


Do The Brave Thing

by Briar_Rose7



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Because who cares about canon anymore?, But cute baby Gideon, F/M, Not Canon Gideon, Rumbelle Secret Santa 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briar_Rose7/pseuds/Briar_Rose7
Summary: Rumbelleluv prompted: Gold Secret Phobia Belle Helps.
Since Gideon's birth, Rumplestiltskin has been behaving strangely. Now Belle wants to know why.
Thanks to stillsearching47 for being my beta





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rumbelleluv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumbelleluv/gifts).



It had taken Belle far too long to realize there was something wrong with Rumplestiltskin. Sure enough, the last week had been so exhausting that her distraction was somehow justified, but Belle couldn’t help but blame herself for not noticing it earlier. 

Rumplestiltskin didn’t want to hold their baby.

Their son had been with them for a week, yet he’d barely spent a handful of seconds in his father’s arms. Every time Belle had encouraged Rumple to hold him, he’d insisted that he was quite happy watching her as she cradled their baby. The few times he’d been forced to hold little Gideon, he’d quickly put him back in his crib, finding increasingly improbable excuses to do so.

Now Belle had finally put the pieces together, but that didn’t make her any wiser on what to do about the whole thing. She needed to talk to her husband, that much was sure, but how? She’d thought that they were doing better, but now she had discovered a whole new can of worms, and she was afraid to open it. Could this ruin the happiness she thought they’d finally found?

Her gaze went to her son’s sleeping form, his tiny chest rising and falling rhythmically, his mouth suckling at nothing from time to time. There were moments when she could hardly believe that Rumple and her had been able to create something as beautiful as their son. He didn’t deserve to grow up with a distant father; she wouldn’t let it happen, not if she could help it. No matter how scared of the truth she was, she was going to talk to her husband.

Rumplestiltskin was visibly tired when he got home that evening, but his face lit up with joy when he saw his wife and son. That was what confused Belle the most: he was visibly happy with them, so why was he behaving so strangely? He didn’t seem to have problems kissing his son’s forehead every time he left the house or came back home. What could possibly be the issue with picking him up? Only he knew the answer, and Belle needed to find the words to ask him. 

“So, how was your day, sweetheart? Did our little troublemaker scream as much as he did last night?” Rumplestiltskin asked as he started making dinner.

“Oh yes, he did. He’s trying his best to give me a migraine,” she answered, massaging her temples to stop her incoming headache. What she didn’t say was that today the biggest source of her discomfort had been the worry over her husband’s behavior. 

As if to prove her point, Gideon started crying again. Belle groaned as she picked him up; she had no idea how she was going to survive months of this, since she was already exhausted after barely a week. She loved her son, but there were times when she wished she could just tell him to shut up.

“Hold on, sweetheart, I’ll have dinner ready in no time. I’m sure you’ll feel better after eating something,” Rumplestiltskin told her encouragingly. 

Belle nodded and leaned back on the couch as she breastfed their son. She had no reason to be afraid, she told herself. Rumplestiltskin loved them both, that much was clear from how he spoiled them; everything else was just a passing obstacle.

“Rumple, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” she told him tentatively as soon as they sat down for dinner. She wouldn’t have been able to eat without getting this off her chest. 

“Belle, is something wrong? Are you and the baby okay?” he asked immediately. He was so quick to worry over them. 

“Yes, yes, we’re fine,” she reassured him. “Actually, I want to talk about you.”

There was a sudden flash of fear in his eyes. “About me? Why?” he asked. 

“Well, you’ve been behaving strangely since Gideon was born. I think… I think you don’t like to hold him, and I need to know why.” She felt somewhat lighter once the words were out, but she still held her breath while waiting for his answer.

“No, I… you’re wrong. I just like to watch you holding him.”

Rumplestiltskin knew how to spin very persuasive lies when he wanted to; this wasn’t one of those times. Besides, Belle knew him too well to fall for it anyway. He was looking anywhere but her, and for a moment she felt anger at the idea that he was still trying to hide the truth from her, that his first instinct was to _lie_. Then the moment passed, and she realized that anger wouldn’t get them anywhere.

“Rumple, please, we promised we’d be honest with each other. I know you love us, and that’s all that matters. You’re not going to drive me away,” she said, her hand coming to hold Rumple’s over the table. “You can tell me anything,” she encouraged him.

He swallowed, visibly taking time to work up his courage.

“Belle,” he stammered, at a loss of what to say. He hated himself for being so weak, for being nothing but a pathetic excuse of a man.

“I’m here, Rumple.”

She gave his hand a light squeeze, encouraging him to go on.

“You’re right about me. I’ve been trying to avoid holding our son. I’m scared, Belle,” he admitted eventually. The words burned on his tongue, and he lowered his head in shame. 

Belle took a moment to process the information. She should have known better, she should have realized that once again it was fear that was driving her husband's actions. Instead she’d let her own fears get in the way of her reasoning, and she’d spent hours worrying over thousands of dreadful possibilities. Now she knew the truth, and even though she already had an idea on how and why Rumple’s fear had originated, she needed to be sure about it. 

“And why are you scared?” she asked softly. 

He lifted his gaze to look at her, and his eyes shone with unshed tears.

“Because I’m afraid I’ll hurt him,” he said in a whisper. “He’s so small, so vulnerable, and the first time I saw him I thought he’d look even littler in my arms, and that there were so many ways I could accidentally hurt him. Then I realized that physical harm was a minor threat to him, because what he really should be afraid of is me failing him as I failed Bae. When I’m holding him, I’m reminded that our son’s safety depends on me. When I’m holding him, I have full responsibility for his wellbeing, and I can’t be trusted with that. I can’t be trusted to keep our child safe from myself.”

Despite his efforts, a couple of tears escaped his eyes as he finished his confession. Surely, Belle was tired of his weakness by now. She would be disgusted by a man who was too much of a coward to even hold his own son; maybe she’d even ask him to leave their house and only come back once he’d developed a spine. He wouldn’t be surprised. 

“Rumple, look at me,” he heard her say in the haze of his despair. He brought his gaze to his wife, and he was shocked by the love and understanding he saw in her eyes. There was no contempt in them, no disgust. 

“Come with me,” she said simply.

He complied, following her as she got up, her hand still holding his in a soft grasp. She made him sit on the couch, then picked up Gideon from his crib and sat next to her husband.

“Look at him. You’re right: he’s small, fragile, but he’s so much more than that. He’s _ours_. Our son, born out of our love, and he would have never existed without you. You’re his father, Rumple, and that’s a bond that will never be broken. I know you’re scared, but I believe in you. I know how much you love our son, and honestly there’s no one, in this world or others, that I’d entrust with his safety besides you. You’ve always made me feel safe, and I’m sure it will be the same for him,” she said, her eyes never leaving his as she spoke. 

Rumplestiltskin didn’t know what to say. He was mesmerized by the intensity of her words, by her unwavering faith in him. He’d never understand how she could still believe in him.

“Why don’t you try holding him now? I’m right here, nothing bad will happen. We’ll look after our son together,” she suggested.

Rumplestiltskin’s first instinct was to refuse, but this time he fought against his fears. Belle had been so understanding, the least he could do in return was try to be brave. His heart pounded in his chest as Belle handed him their child. 

Gideon’s head looked even smaller compared to his hand, and Rumplestiltskin couldn’t stop a small sob from escaping his lips. He was holding his son, and it was both amazing and terrifying. 

The baby fussed a little at the loss of his mother’s embrace, and that almost made Rumplestiltskin’s resolve crumble. The look of pride and happiness on Belle’s face, however, gave him the strength he needed. She was pressed to his side, one hand gently resting on his arm to show him that he wasn’t holding his son alone. Her other hand was carding Rumple’s hair; a reassuring gesture that helped soothe his nerves. Gradually, he managed to relax, as Gideon stopped fussing. 

“You see? You’re doing wonderfully,” Belle said as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. 

“It’s all thanks to you,” he answered. He still didn’t feel fully at ease, but with his wife by his side he could finally keep his anxiety in check.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked. 

Rumplestiltskin tore his gaze away from his son to look at her. 

“Because I was ashamed and scared. I thought you’d be angry at me for my weakness, and I didn’t want to risk it. I wasn’t acting rationally,” he admitted.

“The next time, just tell me when you’re scared. I’m never going to shame you for your fears, Rumple. I just want you to be honest about them, so that we can work on them together.”

“I promise I won’t hide anything from you ever again, sweetheart.”

She kissed him again, this time on the lips. 

“Good. It’s not like I’m never afraid or anxious, and I know how difficult it can be to open up about that, but we need to try if we want this to work,” she said. 

“I’ll always be there for you when you’re scared or worried,” he promised.

“As I will be there for you. Do you want to know a little trick I’ve started using to keep my fears at bay?” she asked. 

“Yes.”

“I look at our son. You’re not the only one who’s afraid for him, you know? I’m so scared of not being a good mother that sometimes I wish I could escape all of this, I wish I could run away from all of these fears and doubts. When I feel like this, I just look at Gideon and focus on his breathing. I let every thought slip my mind as I focus on the love I feel for our child, on the fact that he’s perfect and still so young that I can’t possibly have already made mistakes with him. All he’s asking for now is that we love him, and we already do that. I look at him and think that if something this beautiful could come out of me, then maybe I can do better things than I give myself credit for, so maybe I’m even good enough to raise him. Then I think of you, of how glad I am that we got this chance, of how much we love each other, and I tell myself that together we can do anything, even be good parents.”

Her cheeks had turned bright red as she spoke, emotion and embarrassment bringing color to them. Belle was scared too, and she would have never admitted it if Rumple had not done the same before. They did need to work on their insecurities and their communication.

“Belle, for you and _with_ you I think I could do anything,” he said smiling. 

That’s when Gideon started crying again. Rumplestiltskin stiffened, and Belle realized that he wasn’t ready to handle that yet. He’d need time to feel completely at ease while holding their child, but she’d never judge him for it. She took Gideon from her husband’s arms, telling Rumplestiltskin with a glance that the didn’t have to be ashamed.

Wounds needed time to heal, and Rumplestiltskin’s trust in himself had been wounded more times than they could count. Maybe it wouldn’t be quick or easy, but Belle was sure that they were on the path towards healing.

As the days passed, Rumplestiltskin grew progressively more at ease with their son. At first he didn’t want to hold him without Belle nearby, then he started taking care of him on his own, and by the time Gideon was four moths old Belle almost had to fight Rumple to get a chance to hold her son. 

Rumplestiltskin had even developed the habit of collecting rent with Gideon in tow, and that had been a really devastating blow for his reputation as an heartless monster. It was hard to be afraid of someone who stopped threatening you to make funny faces at his child. 

There were still a lot of things that they needed to work on, and they would probably never sort all of them out, but Belle didn’t care.

As long as love united the three of them, she wasn’t scared of anything. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> I loved working on this, especially since this fic features a really understanding Belle, which was a relief to write while canon was constantly killing us with badly written angst. I took the idea for Rumple's fear from the fact that my dad, when I was born, didn't want to hold me because he was afraid he'd let me drop and hurt me.  
> Rumbelle family FTW!


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